I do not remember it being this hard

the last time I was pregnant. I don't remember constant morning-noon-night sickness and fatigue that won't let up. I don't remember only being able to walk from the parking lot to the store entrance and then needing to sit and rest before continuing my errands. I don't remember bouncing from elation to fear about having another child.

My husband does. According to him, this is the only way women are willing to go through this all again to have more children, if we forget the day to day difficulties. I can understand that.

My depression seems to be completely gone, but the odd concurrent problem is that I'm frequently so nauseous that it's hard to take medication, including my depression meds. I am under medicated right now but trying to get back on track. Maybe if I hid the pill in a spoonful of chocolate frozen yogurt?

Pesach has me completely freaking out. I don't have the energy to clean the way I should and my husband is doing what he can, and quite willingly, but I'm afraid it's just not going to be the same this year.

One of my favorite Pesach dishes is called Turkish Pie and is a wonderful mixture of ground beef and onions, cooked for an insanely long time, like three hours, and then placed into a shell made of softened matzo so you have something like a meat/onion pie. I look forward to it every year, and it takes pretty much all day to make. This year, I can't stand to be around the smell of cooking meat or onions of any kind. I guess I will have to wait until next year.

I'm very worried about controlling my morning sickness with kosher l'Pesach products. Saltines are my best friend right now, and I just worry that matzo won't do the trick. My previous pregnancies never took place over Pesach, so this is a first.

On a much more positive note, I have had some strange cravings at various times:

• Pineapple
• Caesar salad
• Poultry
• Potato salad
• Chocolate frozen yogurt
• Orange juice

I guess they're not that strange. In previous pregnancies, I craved tuna noodle casserole, pickles, Greek olives, rainbow sherbet, salsa, and Coke icees. I see there's progress here: this time there's more fruit/veggies and proteins and fewer sugars and carbs. :)

Maybe I should call myself the new improved Rivka. No longer (for now) depressed. Just hormone-enhanced. ;)