One step back

I saw my medical doctor yesterday. She had no recommendations for a psychiatrist except to refer me to the behavioral health center within the HMO so I will continue to wait to see the psychiatrist's assistant at my counselor's clinic. She had no problem refilling my meds and said what I was taking now was still considered a low dose even though it's high to me.

My husband drove me to a meeting last night while a friend watched our children. It was very hard being around so many people but I really felt I needed to go because the speakers were talking about a topic that is important to my work. While I was there a few people I've known for a year or so asked what was wrong, if I was okay. I struggled with telling them and finally explained what was going on. They didn't even bat an eye. Well actually one said, you're doing everything you're doing and you're dealing with this? Now I'm even more impressed.

I may have overdone it though. I am so tired today and can't shake the feeling that nothing I say or do is worth much. My concentration is very bad. Last week I could still lose myself in a book or a movie, but today I can't concentrate on anything for more than about ten minutes. I just want to hide away.

I seem to remember this from last time, that it's two steps forward and one step back as I get better. For right now, I think I'll go take a nap.