I didn't want to bore anyone with continuing tales of woe, but the fact is, despite the various things that have happened over the past two weeks or so, the depression that made its severity known here has not gone away. It's questionable whether or not it's gotten worse.
I just saw my counselor today and my husband went with me. Between the two of them, they think this is serious enough that they are of the opinion that I should be hospitalized. I managed to talk them into 48 hours until we make that decision, so I have until Sunday. I really don't want to go. It's been fifteen years since I was last hospitalized for this.
In the past hour I've managed to gather most of my emotions and seal them away. It may not be particularly healthy but it allows me to function for now. Otherwise I'd be terrified of going to the hospital and equally terrified of not getting any help.
I think I will maybe be meeting with my rabbi tomorrow, though I have no idea what I would say. I'm not even sure what I need.
Update (evening): I kept busy this afternoon by cleaning and reading and was able to keep the depression at bay but it keeps all my feelings at bay as a result. It's also tiring; six hours of this and I'm dizzy and stumbling around from exhaustion. I don't really know what that will get me except buy me some time. Please G-d, may tomorrow be better.
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4 comments:
Rivka,
Two things, first I wish you nothing but the best. Take care of yourself, you deserve it.
Secondly I am hosting Haveil Havalim and wanted to mention that you are going to be included. It should come out on Sunday.
Thank you, Jack. Your ongoing support means a lot to me. I'm hanging in there for now.
Hugs.
Rivka... don't be afraid to let them help you. If you keep suppressing the pain, then they can't take it from you and try to figure out what to do with it. Think of it as an opportunity to not have to suffer alone, at least for a little while. ((hugs))
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